Self-Help Advice From a 2-Year-Old

by Mama Chocolate on May 30, 2012

1. Challenge yourself every day. Try climbing the stairs carrying two soccer balls while wearing your father’s shoes. Remember, failure IS an option.

2. De-clutter! Start by throwing all your dishes in the garbage. After that I suggest toothbrushes and important paper work.

3. Pee on the floor and stomp in it like a puddle. You’ll be shocked how much better you feel.

4. Whether the glass is half empty or half full is irrelevant if you dump it out on the sofa. You’re welcome.

5. If you’re feeling aggressive, or just bored, scream in a cat’s face.

6. Don’t ever be afraid to hand someone an ice cube while they’re on the toilet. That stuff is cold. You don’t have to be in pain!

7. Socks are poison. Trust me, don’t wear them! Happiness will soon follow!

8. Pound on a computer keyboard like Jerry Lee Lewis playing the piano. Feel better? I thought so. Great Balls of Fire!

9. If you fall down, stay down. Someone will pick you up eventually.

10. Quick thrills fuel the heart. Have you learned to delete things off the DVR yet? DO IT. It’s AwWwWwEsOmE.

11. Seize the day and the night and the middle of the night and the early morning. Seize everything, y’all! Never stop seizing stuff.

12. Tired of looking at yourself in the mirror? So was I until I met my friend permanent marker. FACE TATTOOS ARE RAD.

13. This might be a tough one, but you gotta trust me: Take a poop in the tub. It’s surreal.

14. Live in the moment because there is nothing else. Seriously, there isn’t. Not that I’m aware of at least.

15. If you’re gonna run, do it at top speed, man. Life is too short to walk in the mall.


(Source: and thank you to Becky at Purposeful Homemaking for sharing!)

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Laurie May 30, 2012 at 8:17 am

Super Adorable and super helpful tips…thank you


Beth @ Aunt B's Kitchen May 30, 2012 at 9:29 am

Thank you! That made me grin. I’m sharing it on my Facebook page.
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Beth May 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm

That’s AWESOME advice! Totally made me crack up, thanks for the laugh today.


Sally S. May 30, 2012 at 2:09 pm

This is hilarious! I love it.


Katie B. of May 30, 2012 at 2:11 pm

So many good laughs in there. I am TOTALLY going to go pee on my floor and stomp in it now. Thanks!
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Michelle Bonneau May 30, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I so shared this on my Facebook page and printed it out for my blah days !! It made me laugh so hard thank you !


Amanda Evans May 30, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Love this!!!
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Reply May 30, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Glad to share it! It was too funny!!! :) recently posted..School May Be Out, But We’re Not Done Learning!My Profile


Polka Dot May 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm



Beth @ Aunt B's Kitchen May 30, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Just a quick note to let you know that I’ve featured this post on my “News of the Day” blog today. :)
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Kathleen May 31, 2012 at 6:25 pm

This is hilarious! Thanks for sharing.
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Isra May 31, 2012 at 6:48 pm

I totally need this laugh at the end of the day. I just came from the ER, my second needed a staple in her head, got hurt on the playground..that’s really all that matters. Good health!
Isra recently posted..How to Organize Socks: Part 2: SortingMy Profile


Gena May 31, 2012 at 7:19 pm this was perfect! My boys are 3 and 1 and most of these apply to both of them, so I was laughing all the way!! Thanks!!


Wendy May 31, 2012 at 7:30 pm

LOL I loved every line – my smile just got bigger and bigger as I went along until I got to the marker, then I laughed out loud. Thanks so much!!
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Maggie @ Tethered Mommy June 1, 2012 at 8:01 am

This is hysterical and totally the laugh I needed today!
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